If you have ever faced emotional blackmail in a relationship, you may not have recognized it as blackmail, but felt like it was overall. When a partner says things like, if you go out with your friends, I will know you do not care anything about me, then it is obvious emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmailers give those closest to them ultimatums that create guilt, obligation, or outright fear so they can get what they want at the time. This form of blackmail is often subtle and in this scenario, the manipulator is reminding the victim that they are obligated to something because they are in love.
As mentioned, you may not know you are being blackmailed because you are so close to the situation. There are warning signs, which are shared below.
- Apologizing Often – If it seems like your partner believes everything you do is wrong so you end up begging for forgiveness often
- Taking Responsibility – It may seem like your partner’s poor behavior is automatically thought, by you, that you are the cause
- Making Sacrifices – It may seem as if you are the only one sacrificing in the relationship
- Intimidation – You may feel intimidated by your partner and threatened into compliance
- Changes – You may find yourself constantly making changes to keep your partner happy
- Walking on Eggshells – You may find you do not stand up for what you want or need just to keep the peace
- Boundaries – It may seem nearly impossible to set boundaries
- Communication – Communication may be one-sided or lacking as if your partner is not really listening
If you find yourself being emotionally blackmailed, keep in mind it is not your responsibility to fix the other person. The manipulator makes their own choices about their behavior and while they are trying to shift the blame to you, you do not have to let them. There are ways to confront someone if you do not think they are aware of what they are doing. This begins with laying out clear boundaries when a threat is made. Threats rarely materialize as they are typically just a plea for attention so be straight-forward with your boundary. Even repeat offenders of emotional blackmail can be redirected if you use good communication skills. Be clear with yourself about what is acceptable, then share it with your partner in a clear and concise way. Once this is expressed, stick with it. If they do this because they are insecure, ask what would help and try to do so if possible. If these requests and boundaries do not work, walk away. You deserve to feel loved, secure, and supported, not threatened. There is someone better out there.