There is an approach called the W.A.R.T. approach that can help you to stop nagging and to still get what you want. If you are someone that always is nagging on every mistake and everything that your partner does, it can cause them to not want to be with you.
Even if it feels that you are trying to train them and teach them how to treat you and how the relationship should go, it doesn’t always come across as that and it comes across as you nagging and you always bringing things up.
What is W.A.R.T.?
WART is a way that you can help to make your relationship better without always nagging your partner. When things bother you, they have to be worked on.
When you get upset at things and you begin to nag over and over, it can be hurtful, and it can cause there to be pain in the relationship. The WART approach will help you and it will be painless and helpful in what you want in your relationship.
WART
W-Wait
A-Agree
R-Remind
T-Thing
This is the WART approach. This is the way that you can stop nagging and still get what you want. There are ways that you can use this, and it can help your life and relationship to be happier.
Wait
When you want to start nagging at your partner, figure out why you are upset. Whatever you are upset about, take a minute to write it down. Write down what is upsetting and frustrating you.
After you do that, set some goals as to what you want your partner to do. What are you going to say or do to get them to do what you need them to do for you?
Allow yourself to influence them to do what you want them. What will it do for them if they help you?
- Tell them you will do something in return for them if they do what you ask.
- Give them money if they help you.
- Tell them that you are appreciative of them and you need them.
Punishing them or being mad at them is not going to help them to do what you want them to do.
Instead of asking them to do something when they are busy, wait for the right moment. Make sure that you tell them that you appreciate them for what they do for you.
Ask them to help you and give them a time limit that you want them to finish things by. When you nag at them, this can just be an issue with how you show your love language.
Agree
The second part is to agree. Learn to agree with them and show them that you care. Start by telling them something positive and complementing them.
This will help them to see you positively and make you not look selfish. Tell them things such as, “you are very smart and are always so helpful.”
Then, bring up the goals that you set for them and come up with ways that they can make it happen. This will help you to focus on positive things instead of being negative.
Don’t Say:
- You make me so mad. I asked you to do something and you never listen to me. I hate cleaning up after you.
Say:
- Please help me clean up the floors. There is dirt on them from your shoes. I know you didn’t mean to, but can you help me to fix it?
Stop telling them that they are always doing something bad and make it a group thing where they are helping you and you are helping them.
Punishment
If you have a good relationship, you can set a punishment for them that is good for you such as:
- Make them give you a massage.
- Make them buy you a present.
- Make them cook you a romantic meal.
Tell them if they don’t do what you have asked them to do, they owe you one of those things. This is actually a reward and it is in disguise as a punishment to motivate them but if they mess up, it will be fun for both of you.
Have them repeat what you want them to do and the things that they agreed to do for you. Then tell them to repeat the punishment and what it will be.
This will help you to both be on the same page and to know what you both want and need. When someone repeats something, it helps them to remember it.
Remind
Always remind your partner what they agreed to. Instead of nagging them, allow them to be rewarded. You can even write things down so that they can have a list and they can remember what they are supposed to do.
Do not let them make excuses to you. If they try to make a n excuse, you need to make them admit that they were being selfish or that they weren’t showing you love.
This will make them feel bad and will stop them from making you say something to them.
Repeat and Say it Again
Repeat what they promised that they would do and then tell them what the punishment will be. Do not make them feel dumb by asking them if they don’t remember what you agreed on. They aren’t dumb and they remember.
Whatever punishment you agreed on, do it even if they accidently messed up. Collect your reward from their punishment.
Thank
The last step is to thank them for what they do and let them know that you see their efforts. Giving them praise will work better than criticizing them.
Relationships should not be negative, and you need to love them and complement them as much as you can. Show them how much you love them.
If they do something for you, do something for them. Show them that you care and that you see that they are being helpful to you.
Stop Nagging
Here are some things that you can do if someone is always nagging you:
- Do not say “but” in front of them when you forgot to do what they asked you.
- Let them know that you understand why they are upset with you.
- Ask them if they are feeling frustrated by you.
- Tell them that you are sorry that you upset them.
- Ask them to stop nagging you.
Conclusion
WART:
Wait: Have a goal that works for both of you.
Agree: Agree to make a plan and make them repeat it.
Remind: Remind them what they promised they would do.
Thank: Thank them for doing what you asked them.
Do not nag them but use the WART in order to have a peaceful and happy relationship. Be thankful that you are able to change your relationship around and to have goodness in your life and the life of your partner.