How to Heal Heartbreak

Heal Heartbreak

Healing heartbreak requires a lot of grace and patience.  It can be a freeing experience to release your crush as an act of kindness and radical acceptance for the both of you.  Begin by focusing on giving yourself the love you deserve and release that no person can complete you.

Below we have provided a list of other helpful tips to empower you to move on:

  1. Temporarily stop contact: It can feel painful at first, but this is critical for your ability to process and heal.  Someday you can be friends again, but right now you both need space.  You will need to fight your biology as your brain secretes dopamine that promotes bonding with another living being.  Essentially this chemical makes us addicted to a person.  Therefore, you brain will crave being around your ex no matter how much pain this could cause you.  By ceasing contact helps your emotional wellbeing as you go through the grieving process.  You should also remove them from your social media accounts and phone contacts.  This will eliminate the temptation to reach out to them or cyber stalk them in a moment of weakness.  No contact means not telling them that you are taking a break from them.  Just do it, it will save your sanity!  When you feel you both have healed you can resume communications as long as you both have zero expectations of getting back together.
  2. Temporarily avoid anything that reminds you of them: You can’t get over someone if there are constant reminders of them everywhere!  Keep in mind that avoiding places can be especially difficult, particularly if you frequent pass by them on route to work or a loved one’s home.  In these cases, try distracting yourself with someone that brings you joy or able to shift your mindset.  With time the pain will ease and the places will again just become a place.  When it comes to tangible items pack away particular important things and choose to give away the rest.  When things get difficult remember this change of habit is an act of love for yourself.
  3. Process, then release, your emotions: There is no avoiding your feelings.  Its important to listen to what these feelings are telling you and then allowing yourself to let them go.  You must work through your emotions to ensure they don’t because baggage that will impede future relationships.  Emotions help us learn lessons and provide vital insight into how we want to shape our lives.  But after you listen to the emotions you have to find ways to release them.  Otherwise, they will revisit you as mental gremlins.  Appreciate the balance of the dark times, for without them we can’t fully appreciate the light.  Taking this approach will help the emotions feel more manageable the next time they appear and you will be more confident in your ability to navigate the shifting tides.
  4. Make your journal your new best friend: When you can’t talk to your most trusted person about your pain, its time to create a new relationship.  Realize the only person you can fully rely on is yourself.  Invest in a journal and use it to help you jot down your feelings and provide a venue for you to both reflect and process.  Your journal has no agenda or biases.  Instead, it reflects your true inner experience and facilitates a stream of consciousness insight.  You can have entries that are funny, poignant, profound and heartfelt.  You may choose to write letters to your ex or your future self.  You may recall dreams or provide yourself space for a pep talk.  There can be a sense of magic with your entries.  But more likely you will feel a weight being lifted off of your shoulders and gain clarity on what you are looking for in your future.
  5. Live on your terms: Although heartbreak is painful, it can also be a blessing.  Now, you have the opportunity to focus on your needs and goals.  You can identify avenues you wish to improve or projects you wish to tackle.  This is the time to plan a strategy for achieving your goals.  Being single, you can meet new people and pursue new passions.  Shift your mindset from things that could have been to things that things you have always dreamed about exploring.  Suddenly, you be so consumed in living your life you will notice you aren’t thinking about your ex anymore.  This won’t be a cruel thing, just a sign that you are working on yourself and you are the star of your own story.

Wrapping up

If you are struggling, it is advisable for you to seek therapy.  It is ok to ask for help and focus on your needs.  Try to not shut people out and be ok with sharing your feelings with your loved ones.  You can also find comfort in mindfulness apps like Mend.  There are options for daily check-ins, words of affirmations, and even a sense of community.  However, one of the most important things to consider is never rush into a new relationship.  Although it seems promising, you can’t replace your ex with a new person.  This could cause profound additional stress and pain.  You may accidentally hurt an innocent bystander or enter into an unhealthy dynamic.  Gradually enter the dating pool as you process your pain and begin to heal.  If you are seeking additional love in your life, remember to always turn to yourself first.

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