Getting married should be, and usually is, among the most exciting events in your life. But what about the anxiety that crops up as you’re selecting the venue, taste-testing cakes, and shopping for the dress of your dreams? Is it okay to feel some anxiety at the thought of committing yourself to someone forever?
It depends on what exactly is causing your worries.
Feeling nervous about your impending nuptials can be completely normal. But sometimes, those worries are a red flag.
Normal Jitters
Most brides feel quite anxious leading up to their wedding day. Feeling anxious is normal if it’s related to the event of the event of the wedding itself; if your fears are not centered on the person you’re marrying.
Though it’s primarily a celebration, it’s stressful to plan a wedding. From deciding on a theme, choosing a venue, finding a caterer, and getting the perfect dress, there are a lot of moving parts, which puts a lot of pressure on couples to put together the dream wedding that will perfectly capture who they are as a couple. It’s normal to worry if the flowers will stay fresh and bright, or if the DJ will bring the right playlist.
But once the day of the wedding arrives, the stress usually melts away and the bride is able to enjoy everything. Feeling doubtful before the wedding is normal when the doubts are related to the desire for the day to go perfectly, or dread over being the star of the show (some people don’t like being the center of attention).
Pre-wedding jitters are also normal when they’re related to the big changes that will accompany leaving your single, independent life behind to unite yourself permanently to another person. It’s not a red flag to worry over things like how your lives will be different once you’re married. Money management as a couple, for example, will take some adjusting to, but impending changes like that don’t mean that you shouldn’t move forward with the wedding. Couples can have conversations in advance of the wedding regarding what their new married life will look like. Conversations like this help to proactively address those fears.
Red Flags
Second-guessing the groom, that is, worrying more about the person you’re marrying rather than about the details of the wedding, may be a red flag. It’s concerning if you wonder if your fiancé is a good match for you or not, or if you’ve had such worries for a while and they’re intensifying as the date gets closer. If you have doubts that you haven’t addressed, that’s a sign of trouble.
Some engaged couples don’t spend enough time talking about what their day-to-day lives as a married couple will look like, and mistakenly decide to wait and figure it all out after the wedding is over. Some people knew that marrying the person was a mistake, but they rationalize the decision to go through with the wedding because the invitations were already sent, and guests already booked their trips and sent gifts. The couple feels guilt about going back on those those things, and decide to move forward with the wedding despite their doubts.
It may be painful to be honest about it, but you will save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run. Try to talk through your concerns with a trusted therapist, family member or friend to gain clarity regarding your feelings and your thoughts. This will help you figure out the right thing to do.