Despite the fact that you’ve literally just met, it can be tempting in a new relationship to restructure your life around your new partner. Life feels easier when you’re focused on love. You can direct your attention and energy off of yourself and the things you need to do, and channel it towards another person.
Healthy relationships are all about learning and developing along with somebody else, not making your partner your sole priority. It’s all too easy to regress into unhealthy behavior and bad habits. When all you’re about is taking care of your partner and his needs, you forget about your own. You neglect nurturing yourself, and you stop growing as a person. This will cause the relationship to stagnate right alongside you. Here are eight reasons why you should not make your new partner the focus of your life.
- You don’t know for certain what’s going to happen.
You’ve probably been in other romantic relationships before this one that didn’t work out. And even though you have high hopes for your new relationship, reality will eventually set in. All couples have issues, even the happiest ones. Those issues often lead to separation. It’s sad, but it’s a fact. You cannot make somebody else your focus. Your focus needs to be on yourself.
- It’s not good for your relationship.
Making your partnership so very important to you puts undue strain on the relationship. You feel like it’s making you happier than anything else in your life, but things shouldn’t be this way. Yes, the relationship is a priority, but it shouldn’t be the main one. That will at least kill the romance, and it may actually end up dooming the whole relationship. Love should be easy and fun, not stressful.
- It shifts too much pressure onto your partner.
How would you feel if your partner abandoned everything else he had going on in his life, and only wanted to be with you all the time? You wouldn’t like that. It’s not healthy, and the relationship would be doomed to fail. To be in healthy relationships, people need some space. If base all of your decisions on your partner, you’re not giving him any room to breathe. He’ll feel smothered, he’ll begin to resent you, and he’ll eventually start planning his escape from you.
- You won’t ever be satisfied.
If you make him the center of your life, you’ll be thinking with your heart instead of your head. Using another person to fill voids in your life is an avoidance tactic to sidestep the work necessary to fill them yourself. Until you become a complete, independent person on your own, you won’t ever be able to be satisfied with a relationship. How could you be? Your partner can’t be your everything, and you shouldn’t expect him to be. This isn’t fair to him or to you.
- You can lose sight of yourself.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in your partner and your relationship that you lose sight of yourself and your individuality. You do everything together as a couple. You give up your hobbies and habits. You don’t see your friends anymore. If he expresses any interest in something, it suddenly becomes your favorite pastime, too. But if you feel compelled to change to satisfy somebody else, perhaps he’s not the right guy for you. You were awesome just the way you were.
- If you break up, you will fall apart.
The most significant problem involved in structuring your life around somebody else is that your foundation crumbles if the relationship ends. You’ll be confused, alone, and lost. Since you’ve neglected all the other relationships in your life, you have no support left. If you’re lucky, the people you abandoned will forgive you and let you come back into their lives. But since you can’t count on that, don’t limit yourself up to a negative ending. You must contemplate all outcomes possible.
- Like you, he’s only human.
Everybody has shortcomings. You can’t expect him to be perfect, and it’s a losing game to assume he’s the perfect partner for you. If you want your imperfect self to be accepted, you need to accept your partner’s flaws in return. You can’t blame him when he fails to live up to your unattainable expectations that he should be your sun, moon, and stars. Nobody wants to face that.
- Healthy relationships aren’t based on codependency.
The relationship will not survive if you’re totally dependent on each other. Feeling needed can be a positive thing, but in reality, it’s not healthy. You should want to be wanted, not desperately clutched. Clingy, desperate behavior isn’t about love. It’s a result of insecurity. To avoid this, develop your identity while you’re single. Then when you find somebody, you can proudly stand up by his side instead of strangling him with your dependency.
You are the only person who should be the focus of your life. The only thing that you can truly count on is you. Because when it comes right down to it, who’s left at the end of the day? Only you. So, if you don’t like yourself, how will things work out for you?
You must be comfortable to sit with yourself and truly be content spending time alone. If you work on your relationship with yourself, healthy relationships with other people will naturally follow.