How to get what you what in a relationship

How to get what you what in a relationship

Set the stage

Several people talk about the seven love languages. It is very popular and it could help you understand how to communicate with your partner.  It may be wise to take the love languages quiz together. The two of you can discuss the results. This is the perfect way to start a conversation of what you want and need from each other.

Give and receive feedback

A lot of arguments start because people don’t communicate. If you think your partner should know something, tell them.  If he is constantly picking his teeth with the mail and you don’t tell him how gross you think it is, it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know.  Tell your partner what you want and be sure to tell them what you love about them.

Like  gets Like

We often hear people complaining about what they want and need from their partner, yet they haven’t ever asked for it. Not only that, they have never asked what their partner would like.  If you wish he would give you a shoulder massage when you come home, maybe you should tell him. It would be very effective if you ask for this just after you’ve given him one.


If you want a serious relationship, but the process is moving slowly, what could it hurt to ask if you are going to go the distance ? There are ways to do it without making him panic. Start by telling him the things you like about him and why you would like to stick around. If he bolts when you tell him, it’s probably better that you saved yourself some time.

Make him part of your world

When you date someone it’s quite easy to wrap ourselves up on our own worlds. You have your friends, he has his and you don’t cross over.   Take a chance, invite him to meet you at a work event, or ask him to invite his friends over to watch a game or a movie. If he doesn’t want to participate, its better that you know now.

Show your softer side

You can’t make a deep connection if you don’t reveal some of yourself to your partner. It’s hard to admit that you are vulnerable and that you have been hurt, but communication  is important to connection. If you are unwilling to move beyond the surface, you can’t have a meaningful relationship.

Don’t dredge up the past

Don’t ever forget that your current partner is nothing like your last partner. He is a different person. He has a different past. It is not fair to punish him for baggage that is not even his.

The party ends

If you want to settle down, then settle down. It’s okay to have fun and hang out with your friends, but if you want to have a stable future, stay in from time to time. And if you absolutely can not stop partying, you are not ready for a relationship.

Time together is important

Make each moment together count. Everyone gets into a routine and we all find ourselves settling into a pattern. Take minute or two to make things fun. Do something different together. Do some things that will make him think of you with a smile.

We’ll say it again

There is nothing more important than communication. If he is doing something wrong, or doing something right, tell him.  The worst thing you can say when he asks what is wrong is to say “nothing”.  Even if you don’t want the confrontation, honesty is the best policy.  Keep the communication going both ways.

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