Successful and Unsuccessful Relationships

Successful and Unsuccessful Relationships

Having a successful relationship is important and if you ask people what make relationships successful, many people will give the same advice.

Here is some advice that we have found:

Be Together Rightfully

Don’t be with someone because you are pressured or because you think it is the right thing to do.

Make sure that you are not with someone for the wrong reasons.  Some of the wrong reasons include:

  • Being pressured.
  • Feeling like you need someone because you are single.
  • Being together because they are popular.
  • Being young and thinking love is perfect.

It is important that we understand that love needs to be genuine and that there needs to be mutual liking and love between each other.

One wrong reason to get into a relationship is because you want to fix yourself.  Wanting to love someone because you think that it will take away your emotional problems is wrong, and it can cause two people to have damage towards one another.  This can end with self-loathing and pain.  Love is never enough to make a relationship work.

Realistic Expectations

You need to make sure that you understand that happily ever after is a fairytale.  There will be days, weeks or even months that you will wake up and feel that you wish you had never gotten into this relationship.  Even if you love the person, you might think that being together with them is too hard.

You might feel that your love is deepening but it will never be the way that it is from the first time.  If people would understand that love is hard, less people would break up.

Love is interesting because people considered love to be a sickness in the olden days.  Parents would warn their children not to fall in love.  Parents would set up marriages for their children so that they could not follow their emotions.

The reason is because love makes us feel high as if we just took a drug and it makes us irrational.  We know guys or girls that have sold everything they had, dropped out of school or did some other crazy thing just to be with someone they love.  We also know that same guy or girl that ended up feeling like an idiot later when the relationship didn’t work out.

That is what love is.  It is natures way into tricking us into doing crazy things with another person.  If we think about having kids or think that things might not last forever, then we would be less quick to jump into things.

Romantic love is a trap and it gets people to overlook the other faults for a period of time and then once you have settled down, you will have to have real respect for each other or the relationship will get messy.

True love is love that is a choice.  Even if circumstances are hard, you must make a choice to love that person and to rely on them and let them rely on you.

Having that kind of love is harder and it doesn’t feel good.  Sometimes it has a lot of sickness or cleaning or dealing with insecurities or tears.  This is doing things you don’t want to do.

This form of love is much more meaningful and in the end,  it brings you happiness.

Happily, ever after doesn’t always exist, but you wake up each day and make sure that you love someone through the good and the ugly.

Some people never consider that love needs to be deep and unconditional.  They feel that they don’t have to deal with romantic ups and downs.

Some people get into relationships so they can take care of something that is in themselves such as hate or emotions.  This is something that will not fix you and this can make your partner to give up on you.

This condition makes true love not work out for you and it can cause you internal drama.


The most important thing about a relationship is not goals, sexual feelings, religion or feelings.  The most important thing is being respectful of one another.

As we look through different things, we see that many people get divorced even if they talk things over.  Sometimes, they talk openly and freely and still can’t make things work out.

People that have been married more than 10 years realize that respect is the biggest thing that has kept their marriage important.  People have learned that communicating and being transparent with each other is important but that it still brings conflict.

The only real thing that can save you and your partner is by having respect for each other and holding each other at high esteem.  If you believe in your partner and trust them and they trust you then it’s the best thing you can ever have.

Without respect, you will always doubt each other and the intentions behind the relationship.  You will judge them and feel that you need to hide things from each other.

You also must learn to respect yourself.  If you can’t respect yourself then you will never feel that you are a worthy partner and you will never be able to accept it.  You will always feel that you need to prove yourself for love and this is not healthy.

Respect your partner and respect yourself.  Respecting someone means that you:

  • Don’t talk bad about them or complain to others about them. Talk to your partner if you have a problem with them.
  • Respect that your partner is different than you and has different ideas, friends and hobbies than you do.
  • Respect that your partner is your equal and has equal say.
  • Don’t keep secrets.

Respect goes with trust and trust in any relationship can make the relationship work.  Without trust there is no intimacy or comfort.  Without trust your partner will become something that is a liability instead of help.

Communicate Even When its Hard

Talk about what is bothering you and talk to your partner when something comes up in your life.

Do not have secrets because secrets will divide the relationship.  If something is bothering you, you must be able to say it.  Saying what is bothering you builds trust and helps you to be intimate with your partner.  Even if it hurts you, you need to do it.  You should do this with your partner so that you can struggle together.  This is a way to get vulnerable in your relationship which is very important.

Building trust and respect is one trait for a healthy relationship.  People know that there is jealousy and other things but if you trust your partner to go off on their own then you won’t be insecure or angry when they talk to someone else.

Having trust goes even deeper when you want to be serious with someone.  If you ended up with a sickness tomorrow, would you trust that your partner would be there for you?  Do you trust them to handle the money and to make good decisions?

These things are hard to do when you are early in your relationship.  Make sure that you work on this and have a deeper commitment to your partner.  The more trustworthy you become the closer you will get.

Distrust will make more distrust.  If you feel that your partner is always looking through your stuff or accusing, you then you will start to question what their true intentions are aw well.  Why are they so insecure?  Are they hiding something?

The best way to keep trust in the relationship is to be completely vulnerable and transparent:

  • If something is bothering you, say it.
  • If you are insecure, share it with them. It can help you heal and understand each other.
  • Make promises and keep them. Don’t break promises because this breaks trust.
  • Discern your partners behavior form your own. Confront them if something seems off.

Truth is like a china cup.  If you drop it, it will break, and it is hard to put back together.  Once you break it again, it will be harder and harder to put together and if you drop it enough, there will be no way to put it back together no matter what.

Be Healthy

Understand what you can do to make yourself happy.  Make sure that you make sacrifices in your relationship and that you keep each other happy as much as you can.

Every relationship needs someone to give something up at times, but this can’t happen all the time.  Both people need to be giving and helping to make things good.

Having a happy relationship requires that both people are healthy and happy.  It means that people will have their own ideas, interests and identities.

Controlling your partner is not right and it will not keep you happy.  Make sure that you don’t try to change them and that you don’t give up on them.  Sometime things will be miserable but work through it.

How can you do this?  It is hard to do it but here are some ways:

Give Them Space

Make sure that you both have a life together and on your own.  Make sure that you allow yourself and your partner to have their own hobbies and to have their own friends.  Even if friends overlap, let them go out with people that don’t.

Make sure that you have time where you are apart from each other and you have space.  People should have separate things like checking accounts, emails and social media accounts. They should also have separate friends and hobbies and vacations.  Sometimes even separate bathrooms are nice.

People feel that if they give too much freedom to their partner that they will lose them.  This is where trust plays a huge role.  If you give your partner space, they will trust you and you will trust them.

If you can’t let your partner be who they are then you can’t trust them to be your partner for life.  You have to let them have their space and trust them to make the right decisions for you and for them.

Embrace Change

Over the years you and your partner will change.  Changes happen and sometimes these changes make people feel and act differently.

It is logical that you will have different interests over the years and that you will grow and develop and evolve.  When this happens, make sure that you see the changes and that you respect the changes.

Some changes can be supporting the elderly parents, changes in politics, changes in beliefs and more.  Couples who have respect for each other can learn to allow them to change and grow.  When you commit to someone, you know who they are, but you don’t know who they will be later.


Relationships will have fights.  Some people that are able to fight will be able to stay together longer because they trust each other to say what they are having problems with and to talk them out.

Here are some things that relationships face:

  • Criticizing what your partner chooses or their character, calling them stupid.
  • Being defensive for what you do.
  • Contempt or putting down your partner to make them feel bad.
  • Stonewalling or ignoring your partner during an argument.

Here are some things you can do better:

  • Never ignore or insult them when they talk to you.
  • Don’t bring up past fights.
  • If things get heated, remove yourself from the situation and take a break and then come back to it.
  • Remember that being right is not as important as respecting someone.

Make sure that you don’t take each other for granted and that you learn to communicate.  Sometimes being willing to fight can fix the problem.  Even if things get ugly, they can be fixed.


When you are right about something, be quiet about it.  Don’t be rude.  If you respect one another, you will not try to change them or take away their desires.  You need to abide by them in their differences and learn to forgive them.

How do you forgive someone that has hurt you?

  • When the argument ends, let it be over.
  • No one wins the argument.
  • When your partner messes up, separate yourself and then forgive them.

You have to make sure that you choose your battles wisely and that you work to love your partner.

Little Things

Take time for the little things like having lunch and going for walks.  Saying “I love you” can make a huge difference in your partners day.  Make sure to do small things that make them smile.

Sex Matters

Sex is when you are in union with your partner.  If the relationship is good, the sex will be good, and you will both enjoy it and want it.  When the relationship is bad, the problems need to be addressed before there is sex.

Sex can only keep a relationship healthy if the relationship is already good.  When there are problems, having sex won’t fix anything.

Have Rules

Make sure that you have rules because a relationship is not cut and dry.  People need to share responsibilities and find a way to balance their time and their relationship.  Relationships are not easy, and they are messy and stressful.  Relationships are not perfect, and they have people that are not perfect and that are messy themselves, people that forget to do things and forget to listen and mess up.

Be able to handle that things aren’t going to be perfect.  Figure out what you are good at in the relationship and stick with it.  Lay out rules that will keep you both happy.  Make purchases together and decide where to go on vacation together.  Have meetings about these things and talk about the needs you both have.

Ride it Out

Learn that things are always going to be different and that there will be ups and downs.  Know that if you love each other that you can work through anything.  Do things that make you happy such as write letters to each other or think of each other first.

Most importantly, focus on what makes your relationship good and try to find the positives in all your relationship.

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